Don't ask if you are not ready for the answer

When I was a young teenager, I remember asking my Dad to make a decision for me although the decision really could have been all mine. He chose an answer that I detested and I proceeded to throw a fit. When he saw my reaction he told me "Never ask a question if you are not prepared for the answer". I have long forgotten the question I asked but I have always remembered his great advice.

If you are a leader or manager this is very important. If you are not prepared to accept the answer to a question you have asked your team, then you should never have asked. Asking and then dismissing can be quite demoralizing.

Recently, my daughter was asked by the leader of her division if she would like the opportunity to take on a new expanded role in the company. He asked her to do some research and paint a picture of what the role and responsibilities would be. Two levels of management above her had left in the course of the previous 9 months, and she had taken on many of their responsibilities but there were more to take on. Her interim performance reviews had been stellar. She took him at his word, went and defined the role, picked a title and found out what the competition paid for a comparable job. She reviewed her findings with me and it all seemed very reasonable. Since she was new to the position, she was going to ask for a a lower than average salary until she could prove that she could handle all aspects of the job. The promotion would result in a $15k increase in salary (yet still $15k below the average salary for the work).

As requested, she sent her findings to the division head in advance of their scheduled meeting. He called her after seeing what she sent, said he was shocked, and there was no way she could possibly expect that she could get that big a raise. He said she should just be grateful for the opportunity he had given her. The meeting did happen but he pretty much said the same thing to her in person as he had said on the phone. Eventually, she got a token raise along with no title change yet he was more than willing to give her all the responsibilities of the job she had defined.  She was also told if she increased profits she could possibly get a raise (but profit sharing bonuses were not available to someone at her level). My daughter told me "well, it was better than a kick in the pants".

Why then had she been asked to "paint a picture"? The only reason that I can come up with is that the division head needed a job description and this was a way to get it. The net result is that although the opportunity is good, it has clearly taught her that he doesn't care and cannot be fully trusted; and she is now somewhat demotivated although still putting in a good effort. My take on what we learned about her division head and her company is pretty colourful in tone and not appropriate for this blog (I have also recommended a resume update). Clearly he never should have asked the question, because he was not prepared for the answer. The result was that a young enthusiastic employee feels under appreciated and overworked. She lost something in the experience; her division head lost something in the experience; and the business lost as well. All because of a question that never should have been asked.