Stop Being Nice

I suppose it is not the right time of year to telling people this, but stop being nice. Niceness is not correlated to success. All of us know someone who is really nice, but being nice is not the same as being effective or being a good leader/manager. It may be hard to make the adjustment, but it is necessary (I know because as young woman I worked hard at being very nice). You can be genuine, you can care about people, and you can do great things all without being nice. Now, that doesn't mean being rude or offensive, but it does mean standing your ground and saying what you think. And that may just mean that sometimes people won't like you. Its time to get over needing to be liked by everyone. Check out the following:

From HBR Blog "The Morning Advantage" Dec 3, 2012 by Sarah Green

"Being liked is overrated," writes Jessica Valenti in The Nation. She's primarily writing about women — for whom likability is negatively correlated with success — but her advice is useful for the yes-men out there, too. Valenti, the founder of the blog Feministing, admits to wasting hours online responding to every commenter, giving equal time and attention to both the thoughtful people and the snarkiest trolls. "It pains me to think of what I could have achieved if I had that time back."

When we adjust our behavior to be more likable — withholding our most deeply held opinions so as not to offend, agonizing over every bit of negative feedback, eventually "tempering our thoughts" as well as our words — we stunt our selves, our careers, our impact in the world. "The truth is that we don’t need everyone to like us," she writes, "We need a few people to love us."

I'll give Valenti the last word: "Yes, the more successful you are — or the stronger, the more opinionated — the less you will be generally liked. All of a sudden people will think you’re too 'braggy,' too loud, too something. But the trade off is undoubtedly worth it. Power and authenticity are worth it." It's a piece worth "liking."